A longing for freedom

Are we really free? How many of us can wake up in the morning and truly enjoy the simplistic wonders of life.

When I was younger I used to dream of the day that I would be a big girl, doing my own thing in the world, and being “free”.  What we have defined freedom to be is much different than my definition of freedom. I’m now the big girl Little Yani dreamt of; I’m 23, 6 months out of college, out in the world..but still longing to be free. How was I so wrong?

We are free in some sense, I guess. Sure, we can go to the park whenever we want (as long as you don’t go between 10pm and 5pm), you can live anywhere you want (but make sure that you have money to cover all of the expenses), we can speak up about anything (but make sure not to piss of the government), blah, blah, blah. I appreciate all of this, I really do, but I still think there is much more to life that we’ve blindly passed off. Or have been constructed to blindly pass off.

I long to be free. I long for my definition of freedom. I hope for the day that I can wake up and do whatever the heck I want to do because I want to do it. I long for a day that I can sleep in a random morning and still be a productive, contributing citizen to society. No, that doesn’t mean working my life away. It means bringing good to the world around me through passions of my own, and in a way that I can enjoy my own life and still be able to give.

I hope that someday I can see the world as such. Maybe. And if not I, then generations to follow.

Obviously for this to happen there would have to be a huge shift in the way the world functions, but a girl can dream right? We have constructed a society far off what I would have ever imagined this world to be. But that’s ok, I’ve got a lot of livin’ and loving to do.  I often times find myself aware of how blessed and happy I am to be me.  

Some day, my loves. Some day.  

 

Conquer the world.

Random acts of kindness

I’ll only be on this Earth for a while. And while our stay here is for a short while, I want to leave my mark on this world. At one point in my life I want to go overseas and help others (probably starting off through education) and, most importantly, by being a person who cares. I love being a human being that loves human beings

 I realize that I may not be able to make a difference to the entire world but I know that I can make a difference where I am, and that’s a start.

I follow a blogger who has a bucket list. While she also has her own bucket list, she also encourages others do their own or showcases others’ random act of kindness. This got me thinking of Cambodia and how I would someday like to volunteer there…and then I went on with my day.

Later that day I ran by Taco Bell for lunch to grab a bean and cheese burrito. Between moving places I went a little short on money so a $1 burrito, that has no meat, was ideal! There was a man standing near the drive-thru asking for 75 cents and as I drove past him I thought to myself how I wish I could help him, “but I’m broke” I told myself. As I was ordering, and as little money I had, I felt something and I told myself that I had one more dollar than that man so I asked for two $1 bean and cheese burritos and two water cups. I drove by him, gave him his food, and went on my way. I went to the park to eat my burrito and thought to myself that whether I had bought that man a burrito or not, I would have still been sitting at the park. It was nice to know that someone had it a little easier today, at least I would hope so. I didn’t have a lot, but I had enough.  

Yesterday I went to the bank for lunch and then headed to the park to finish off my lunch with Don. He ended up being held up so I enjoyed myself a nice, quiet lunch. Driving back to work I realized that I still had an entire plate full of yummy food from Luigis, a local’s favorite, that I had grabbed for Don. I was kicking myself because I didn’t want to waste a plate of perfectly good food, but then I remembered the “homeless” guy I had just exchanged a few words with. I called the receptionist, told her I’d be a few minutes late, and headed back to the park to give him the food. He smiled, raised his two fingers to give me a peace sign, and I drove away.

Two random acts of kindness. We are all that it takes for a kind, caring world.  

Loiza, Puerto Rico

As I sat here at work and switched to Prince Royce station on Pandora, a ton of memories rushed to me; all of which coming from my recent trip to Puerto Rico. A few weeks ago I went to Loiza, Puerto Rico with my dad and little brother to meet my dad’s family for the first time- he hadn’t been there in 16 years. It was a week of pure bliss.

As I listen to this music I think of dancing with my Tio Carlitos on the streets of Puerto Rico with the warm sun beating down on me, I think of sitting outside with my grandpa listening to music and staring at the baby chicks and coquis (a form of lizard) passing us, I think of my Tio Ramon and how much he enjoyed hugging me and telling me stories of his baseball career, I think of the beautiful island and it’s culture. I think of my dad’s state of happiness and childlike smile on his face. I think of my grandma and her sweet demeanor, I think of all the crazy family and family friends (in Puerto Rico they would call each other primo hermano or amigo hermano, meaning cousin/brother or friend/brother). I think of all my little cousins and how they ran to me and hugged me tightly, as if they’ve known me all their lives. I think of my uncle telling EVERY SINGLE person we came across that we were his niece and nephew visiting him for the first time and that we were the greatest birthday present he’s ever received. I think of driving in the back seat with the wind blowing through my hair and the light humidity falling on my skin as my brother and dad drive up front, blaring salsa or bachata.

I’m reminded of moments of pure bliss. I’m reminded of a smile on my face that was as genuine as can be. I’m reminded of a heart as happy as can be and a girl who had no care in the world for time and no room in the world for worries.

I’m constantly reminded of Puerto Rico and all that lies over there. I love it. I miss it.

Before I left, someone told me to remember that there is a city in Puerto Rico that loves us dearly and always has a home for us… those words have yet to leave me. I will forever cherish the precious moments spent with people who have forever captured a special place in my heart.

The joy of dating your best friend :)

It is seriously so cool to be in love with one of your best friends. I just left Don’s house and as I was driving back to work a smile came to my face and I thought to myself how cool Don is. And then it made me smile even bigger because I’m dating him. I not only get to love him for being an awesome person and a cool friend, but I also get to love him in a way that I’ve never loved before.

I was never much of the dating type, really. And I guess I figured that someday I might happen to start dating and eventually find someone who I got along with well enough to love, and, eventually, fall in love with that person.

I’ve come to find dating is so much fun when you’re dating one of your best friends; someone you already happened to love being around. And someone you still love being around. It’s just fun 🙂

dark skies and shining moons, there is something.

Sometimes there isn’t a clear understanding as to why I go through the things that I go through. I can acknowledge the highs and lows, the good and the bad, the happy and the sad, the stable and the emotional days. And while I can acknowledge it, I don’t always know why; I guess it’s just a part of life’s beauties-to feel and experience and learn. But I do know that those experiences have helped me become the person I am right now in this very moment. Every experience that I encounter adds to the things I do and do not take for value in this life.

This morning I found myself extra grateful to the universe. Thankful to something greater out there that has given this life of mine meaning.

I had an odd day yesterday. I started my day off hardly being able to contain my tears. As the day passed and as the tears fell, I feel like I shed myself a little more and more. At the end of the day I was excited for new beginnings. I welcomed change.

And though the universe has no way of speaking to me and saying “Here Yani, here are the things you need to hear and feel and see to give your heart reassurance”, it does speak to me in ways that I can only be thankful for.

Whether it be the wind in the air that causes me to sit and feel, whether it be a late night drive and hours of fulfilling conversations with someone who knows you for you, or whether that be something that just speaks to you, there is something.

Today I am grateful for a lot of things. In particular, for true friends, crying, for naps after a long day, for long drives, and conversations whether that be in the comfort of my own bed, on top of hills overlooking the city, or sitting under the empty overpass staring out to the dark sky and shining moon.

 

Conquer the world.

-Yani